


Breaking Routine

by An Unknown Writers World (Hawkeyes_Winter_Soldier)



Series: 25 Days of Christmas [7]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:40:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21709882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkeyes_Winter_Soldier/pseuds/An%20Unknown%20Writers%20World
Summary: Day Seven: Ice SkatingPart of @panicfob 25 Days of Christmas Challenge
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Sam Wilson (Marvel)/Reader
Series: 25 Days of Christmas [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559527
Kudos: 17





	Breaking Routine

It had been a long, hard quiet day. I woke up with the worst hangover I’d had since freshman year of college, although I was at a loss for which was worse, my alcohol hangover or the emotional turmoil, I was feeling. The day had been full of things that were amiss, I woke up later than normal, so Bucky had come and gone by the time I made breakfast. I had tried to go for a run but lacked any motivation, I even tried a few rounds with the heavy bag and couldn’t stay focused on it. Most of the day had passed even into the evening and I was yet to see Bucky and believe me, I had looked everywhere.  
I was beginning to think that game night was a bad idea or at least the alcohol part of it. I had practically thrown myself at Bucky and haven’t seen him since. I thought we were fine afterward, at least I was fine. I understood his thought process and I respected his decision even when every fiber of my being wanted to fight him.  
After eating dinner, I realized pacing the house wasn’t getting me anywhere and I had already done all the laundry and dishes I could find. So, I found myself on the couch in the theater room watching ice skating. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from being so inside my own head. I wasn’t sure how long I had been there before Sam moseyed in.  
“You look miserable,” Sam said plopping into the chair next to the couch.  
“Gee, thanks,” I replied not pulling my eyes from the tv.  
“Maria says hello.”  
I frowned, I hadn’t seen Maria in weeks, I didn’t even know she was back in town. She calls most if not all of the missions still. “You got to see her?”  
“She got back into town last night, she’ll be here for a few weeks.”  
“Hope I’ll get to see her,” I said looking at him.  
“You will, she’s gonna be at the Stark Christmas party thing, I get to be her plus one.” He grinned, “Guess Barnes is the only one not coming. That is unless you’re taking him.”  
I shrugged. “We haven’t talked about it.”  
“I just assumed with as cozy as you two have been lately, that it didn’t need to be talked about.” Sam pushed.  
“Well, you shouldn’t assume Sam.” My tone came out harsher than I intended. “If things were so peachy between us maybe he wouldn’t have vanished the entire day after I practically threw myself at him.”  
“Whoa,” He sighed. “That wasn’t the response I was expecting.”  
Grabbing the pillow next to me, I fiddled with the threaded design. Fidgeting had always been my give away for anxiety, ever since I was a little girl. I hadn’t intended to tell Sam any of this, it really wasn’t any of his business.  
“You wanna talk about it?” He asked.  
I shrugged, “Not much to say. We were all drunk, I asked him to stay with me and he told me no. He went to bed and I haven’t seen him since.”  
“That’s it he just said no?”  
“Well not technically, he gave me a noble speech about how he refused to stay with me if alcohol was involved in my decision making.” I rolled my eyes. “Sometimes his old-fashioned personality can be really frustrating.”  
“Dude’s got some morals though. And as much as it pains me to defend him, there’s not a whole heck of a lot of those he can hold onto still. Mind control kind of robs you of a lot of those.”  
I was shocked at Sam’s defense of Bucky; he had incredibly valid points, but this was progress for them. “That’s the things Sam, I’m not even mad at him for it.” I sighed realizing things for myself for the first time today. “I’m mad at myself for doing it, to begin with, it wasn’t the right time and I knew that I just didn’t want to be apart from him. The thing that upsets me the most is that he’s been gone for god only knows how long and I haven’t heard from him.”  
“He left around nine-thirty this morning,” Sam stated,  
I looked at him confused.  
“We interacted over coffee this morning.”  
“You interacted? Like you had a conversation?” I laughed.  
“Not sure I’d call it that,” He shrugged. “He grumbled about him being an idiot and an asshole, which I naturally agreed with.”  
“Sam,” I chided  
“I didn’t know what was going on.” He urged, “If I did, I probably would have just sent him back upstairs to fix it.”  
“Do you know where he went?”  
“He didn’t say specifically, just that he was going to see a friend.”  
“Ugh,” I threw the pillow in my face.  
“That was a bit dramatic.”  
“Shush. I’ve been stewing all day.”  
“What are you watching anyway?” Sam asked looking at the tv.  
“Figure skating.”  
“Never understood the point of it, ice rinks are for hockey, not dance parties.”  
I laughed, “Those girls are more athletic than you are.”  
“How do you figure?”  
We went back and forth bickering about pointless facts about ice skating in general. I had always knowns I was too clumsy to ever put myself on ice, but that didn’t stop me from watching it every winter that I could. We agreed that each use of an ice rink required specific skills that neither of us possessed. Eventually, he decided it was time for him to find food and get a workout in.  
“Also, before I forget, Morgan and Peter are coming over tomorrow to build Gingerbread houses.”  
“Morgan can stay, the other kid’s gotta go.”  
“You can’t hate him for webbing you forever. Will you turn the light off?” I called out as he got to the doorway.  
“It’s bad for your eyesight,” He replied, turning the light out anyways.  
I wasn’t sure I cared about my eyesight at the moment, instead, I snuggled further into the couch pulling the blanket off the back; I stretched out with my head on one of the armrests. Focusing on the screen I tried to clear my mind and just focus on the tv, watching their beautiful rhythm, the smooth glides broke up by intense twists and jumps. It was mesmerizing really. I’m not sure how long I stayed that way, but it must have been a while.  
“It’s beautiful,” Bucky said from the doorway. “Can I come in?”  
“It’s a public space,” I stated,  
He didn’t respond, instead, he came to sit on the couch. Carefully lifting my legs so they laid across his lap with the blanket. We had sat this way every night to watch the news lately, it was comfortable, but it felt wrong with my current mood. Neither of us spoke through the next routine, but it wasn’t the comfortable silence I was used to. It was thick with unspoken tension and unheard emotions.  
“I’ve always had an irrational fear that I would fall and get my wrist sheared off by the blade of a skate,” Bucky confessed breaking the silence.  
I looked him a little confused at first, “Always, like since you were a little kid?”  
He nodded, “Even Steve would go ice skating; granted he usually broke or bruised something. But I was always content to sit on the side and watch. Did you ever skate growing up?” He asked.  
I shook my head, “The town I grew up didn’t have any kind of ice rink and the nearest city that did was about two hours away. Even if it did, I don’t think I’d ever try. I’m too clumsy, I’d be afraid of falling.”  
“Isn’t it funny how we let the fear of falling keep us from doing things we think we’d enjoy.” Bucky mused.  
He spoke so softly I wasn’t sure I was meant to hear it. I sat hesitantly wanting to speak, there were a hundred topics on the tip of my tongue, where had he been all day, did he leave because he couldn’t face me, was he okay? I wanted to apologize for my actions the night before, but then I wondered did they really require an apology, me vocalizing something that I wanted.  
I was beginning to feel like our relations the last few days was like a figure skating routine, long smooth glides, the steady build of our friendship, the first twist with the cookies, the curving glides with the tree and stitches episode and that first jump on the sleigh ride. Routines end, sometimes they end poorly with the skater crashing to the ground, other times they end with a beautiful bow.  
“Can I turn this off so we can talk for a few minutes?” Bucky asked.  
This didn’t sound good.  
“Sure, you’ll want to turn on the lamp behind you.”  
He reached behind him flipping on the light and quickly powered the tv off. Turning ever so slightly, my legs still across his lap but his body facing me almost head-on now. The serious expression on his face was impossible to read.  
“I owe you an apology,” He started.  
“No, you don’t.” I interrupted. “I owe you one.”  
Bucky sighed, “Please, let me.”  
I nodded, agreeing to shut up so he could speak.  
“I let my fear of falling stop me last night. There were so many different, better ways that I could have handled that last night. Neither of us wanted to be alone, I knew that’s what it was. We don’t have to sleep together to sleep together.” I smiled at the way he emphasized the first sleep. “I should have been more open and talked about it. I need to be honest with you, completely honest.”  
“You haven’t shared a bed with anyone in eighty years?” I joked.  
“Har, har.” He pretended to laugh.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”  
He reached out to grab my hand. “This terrifies me.” He confessed. “I don’t know how to do this; I barely knew how to do it in the ’40s. Last night after I went to bed and I heard your door close I got back up. I stood outside your room for a while, long enough to hear the crying. It killed me, I promised you back on the sleigh that I’d never break your heart and that’s exactly what I did last night.”  
“Buck,” I sighed. “You did not break my heart. I was upset, but I was also drunk and overly emotional. I should have been clearer; I was asking you to stay the night with me not jump my bones.”  
Bucky laughed, “What?”  
I blushed, “You don’t know what jumping someone’s bones means?”  
“Can’t say that I do, doll.”  
“Well, it means to have sex.”  
“Oh,” He laughed.  
“Let me be perfectly honest. You never have to apologize for having morals and not wanting to cross a line at a certain point. I know that there are some things I am more comfortable with than you might be. We grew up in different time periods. There’s nothing wrong with that.” I scooted down the couch to be closer to him, “I don’t want you to be afraid to say no to something because you’re afraid you’ll upset me.”  
He nodded,  
“You know the thing that upset me the most wasn’t even what happened last night. It sounds stupid, but I missed you at breakfast and everywhere I went in the compound today, you weren’t there. I didn’t know where you were.”  
He smiled at me weakly, “You could have called or text. I was just in the city.”  
I looked down at where our fingers were intertwined, “I thought you were avoiding me.”  
“I was trying to give you space because I thought you were upset with me.”  
“We really suck at thinking we know how each other is feeling.” I chuckled.  
Bucky lifted my chin with his metal finger, “I’m not the best at saying how I feel sometimes.”  
He leaned forward pressing his lips to my forehead. When he pulled back, I looked up at his stormy blue eyes pulling me in like gravity. In one fluid motion, I closed the distance between us again pressing my lips to his. It was a sweet and gentle kiss, unspoken words of forgiveness and love shared. When we finally broke the kiss, I leaned my head in the crook of his neck trying to catch my breath.  
“I think that’s better than my stumbling over words.” Bucky laughed quietly.  
“I don’t know, I like your words,” I replied pulling back to look at him again.  
“You’re biased,” He kissed me chastely.  
“I could get used to that.” I smiled.  
He kissed my lips again, then forehead, the tip of my nose, before coming back and finding my lips once again.  
If this was our figure skating routine for the day, I’ll take it as a smooth gliding victory.


End file.
